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yiting
26 July
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gimme the world pls.

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Don't remove the credits. Thanks! :D

sweet

candiiez

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hello hello hello

everything seems to be self contradicting. I wish i could embody all these contradictions and figure out something that's truely personal to me.

somewhere along the way, I have lost my own identity. I am guessing it's not the result of any one particular incident, but a collection of event. I'm probably where I am right now after the progression of time,

like throwing away pebbles-

picking out the one i don't like. and eventually, i'm left with nothing.

trying desperately to trace things back to where i was, but it's all different now. because no matter what I do, it would not be the same anymore. what's thrown away has been thrown away. It will never be the same ever again.

I say I miss who i used to be. but who was I really? I don't even know the answer.

I wanna be a creator. but at this moment I don't know what I wanna create. I don't know where I belong what I want to do where to go to. my thought are all jumbled up I try to sort them out there are just so many things going on in my mind I don't know where to begin where to end I have no idea what is going on someone please save me please...

i guess i didnt have the same kinda feeling for singapore cuz i know all those friends i had there would always be there, the more important ones at least. but here, it's different. i can't be sure. i dont feel that i have that same kinda grasp on them. it's scary to think that some of them, after i leave, would no longer be part of my life. they would be gone. like they never even appeared in my life ever.

i keep telling myself that i would just let it go because it doesn't even matter. but whenever this idea of the possibility of these few months disappearing creeps on me, i would wanna try all that again, so as to make an impression, to make a memory, to make it alil more meaningful.

it scares me

bye bye blackbird

but i am leaving so soon :/

thought i was gonna be ultra miserable but surprisingly i didnt even feel anything at all. not even this sudde thump in the heart kinda feeling.

maybe it's really not the place huh.

anyhow.

got to start working again...

zzz

prom was cool. prom was cool.

post prom was cool.

hahah

using my very limited vocab. i dont really know how to describe exactly

as i was telling them, the happiest moment at prom was actually when mr ang was speaking.

i mean. aside from the mass camwhoring.

post prom was exciting. i loved the place we went to 'cept that no sunrise could be seen in the morning..the sunrise looked pretty much the same as what i see at home in school everyday...but everything else was pretty great. the company.

and time passed super fast like before we knew it, it was morning. and i was praying every second that it could slow down.

i guess not everything went the way i wish it could be ystd. pretty much off track actually because of so much stuff that was happening ystd and previously.

but ohwells..

and no matter how much i wish i could stay and give myself more time and chances, i think it's abt time to put everything to a stop and start afresh. shouldn't be too hard

it's kinda sad huh.

blah.

lol

withdrawal symptom.

ok not really cuz the very thought of not having to study anymore for at least a year makes me smile :D

and omg i dreamt abt taking econs paper ystd...zzz

now that everything is finally over, i want to stay at home and rest for these few days. at least till prom. and put everything on hold till then.

just don't really feel like doing anything much.

everything seems interesting. but somehow they can't really get me interested.

hmm maybe i need a party to revitalise

of...things i'll never say

actually many things are put on hold. and before i even realise it, all that time has passed. and before i can do anything again, it is too late to even think about it. but actually, i have learnt not to do anything anymore. because no matter what, the most i can get is an experience, a lesson. nothing less but nothing more. they are all pretty much self reflected, self induced, self taught. self learnable. they just make me think less do less and feel less...

if i were the me a year ago, i would have done some things. but you are not the third one. you are one after the third. and i told myself that it won't repeat more than three times.

i actually miss the times we had back then. the times when everything seemed so great, so happy and innocent. i often think about the things you used to say and do, even the slightest things, the most insignificant stuff you would do. for me. but they are all in the past and will never come back again. although we still talk like how we used to, things are just not the same anymore.

thought that these thoughts would no longer matter after exams, cuz when my life was occupied with studies, you really just kinda disappeared. but as these exam days get by, thoughts about you slowly come back. maybe soon they'll go back to the same state as before exams.

before the 15th. i want to spend alot of time with you. but i wanna spend alot of time with all my other friends too. then i suddenly realised that there's really too little time for me to do all the things i want to do.

i want to see the christmas deco litup in town and at marina bay, i want to go to the places we wanted to but couldn't go, the places we went together and the places you wanted to go.

many things are gonna change with time. well many already did.

i don't know how i started writing this post or why i even want to write something like this. maybe you'll never see this, even if you do, you may still be guessing. cuz you're always so unsure. about yourself, about everything. but the fact is, i write this hoping that you won't know you'll never know you'll never guess.

i think i'll miss you, i'll think about us. but maybe soon, you'll become just like them.

maybe you're different, maybe it's unfair to apply whatever they taught me to you. there are many more things that i've been thinking about that i want to tell

but...

too late to say

these things i'll never say