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yiting
26 July
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gimme the world pls.
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Date: Tuesday, March 20, 2007 Time: 22:56 sinking deeper
i am not pissed. but just feel this really weird kinda feeling. it's like this emptiness but yet it's full. contradicting eh? okay. i don't even know what the hell is happening to me now. i am certainly not happy but i feel like laughing out loud. even the slightest, least funny joke can make me laugh nonstop. i know that deep inside i don't want to laugh, but it is just so funny that i can't control myself from...enjoying the joke? haha... i mean seriously. i know that i am not feeling well. not because of those things that you are thinking. hmmm...like the probation and those. i mean that's settled and i really have got no time to pause and think too much about that. alright. let's just say that all these small things pile up, and when the big one comes, i just collapse. well...not yet but going to i guess. it's on the edge of it at this moment. but who knows if i will just be alright again tomorrow. that same peacefulness is coming back to me again. or rather, it's not peacefulness but weariness. when you are just so tired to do anything at all. all my energy is like gone. i want to scream, want to cry, want to laugh, but i just don'thave no more energy to do it. now i am only hoping that the alcohol can help to clear my mind, i'll have a good rest and tomorrow will be another fresh new day. guess that it's no longer the time for me to whine or keep thinking about the past. the only solution now is to start afresh and everything will go to the very beginning that i enjoyed the most. anyhow the cab i was sitting on today drove past this area that i used to go everyday when i just came here. and suddenly all the memory started flowing back. thought of the times i had there, thought of the days when i just came here, thought of the people around me then... and now it's under renovation. i mean the whole place is just gone! they are building a new thing. i wonder wat will happen to all the areas with my memories contained 20 years down the road. ha... sorry for being so emo here. i am not the right me today. actually really feel like saying alot but don't really know wat to say as well. anh hope that it rains tonight. goodnight and from tomorrow onwards, the past will be the past... |