Date: Saturday, June 30, 2007 Time: 12:53 .
i am feeling much better than before. at least there's no more never ending cry right after i return to bs. but still, tears come easily. i am really not sure since when did i become so fragile and vulnerable. sometimes i wonder whether there will be one day when my tears get drained dry and can never come again. but even if there's no tear, there will be endless sadness. i know that i have to be strong and not to think about the unhappiness. but even if i don't bring them up, they are just there. and i know they are there. somewhere beneath. maybe in the past, i used to get everything that i want. that's why i am not willing to give this up so easily. my hope of getting out of bs. maybe giving up on something that i deeply hope for is just a skill that i will never learn. |