Date: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 Time: 00:19
left school early cuz i felt sick. and i dont think i'm going tmr either, considering that it's council presidential elections=waste of my time and plus i have not recovered. siyu is totally indulging on her diet pills from the great thai kingdom...11 pills per day. they look like ecstasy or some drug pills. various colours, sizes and shapes...and it's making her lose appetite and puke nonstop whenever she eats anything. the effect is so fast and obvious that im getting alil tempted, despite all side effects... she lost 2kg in one single day. her face definitely looked smaller, err but partly cuz of her really serious dark circles. they occupy almost half of her face. i dont wanna comment too much on it. i mean i wouldnt mind trying but considering the current situation, i dont think i'll get the opportunity to do it. with my mum ard, ppl like sx lecturing and nagging, As and mugging and everything... -.- but obviously slim=beauty. at least slimmer=more beauty whateva. recently i keep feeling very very confused about my future. i dont know what's gonna happen to me next year. sometimes i wonder what for we live in this world?not seeing an end to all suffering and stress... like what am i gonna do after As?with 10 more questions following 'which uni am i getting in?' probably another 10 with 'which course am i gonna take?' many more with things like what degree?/what job?/which company?/which position?/which man?/kids?/how many?/which school do they go to?/migration?/transfer of schools?/how to promote?/whether to become the top of company?/switch of jobs?/whether to continue loving husband?/divorce?/how about kids?/when to retire?/what to do after retirement?/when to die? and tada end of life. plus all those trivial matter in everyday life, what to do first/what to eat/what to buy/what time to wake up/what time to sleep/what words to say/what things to do/what actions to take/what to write/what if... what if one day you wake up and find all these just a dream? a waste of life? this reminds me of art. you love the final outcome or you love the process. people who produce works that has undesirable outcomes justify by cranking up a sophisticated process to delude those who want to look like they are on that same sophisticated level. like The Emperor's New Clothes. and since my thoughts are always visual, all these mess makes me see a black colour messed up ball of tangled up string in my head every now and then. they look sth like this --> ![]() what the hell is wrong with me?! O.o and diet. official. i need smaller face arms waist butt thighs. |