everything seems to be self contradicting. I wish i could embody all these contradictions and figure out something that's truely personal to me.

somewhere along the way, I have lost my own identity. I am guessing it's not the result of any one particular incident, but a collection of event. I'm probably where I am right now after the progression of time,

like throwing away pebbles-

picking out the one i don't like. and eventually, i'm left with nothing.

trying desperately to trace things back to where i was, but it's all different now. because no matter what I do, it would not be the same anymore. what's thrown away has been thrown away. It will never be the same ever again.

I say I miss who i used to be. but who was I really? I don't even know the answer.

I wanna be a creator. but at this moment I don't know what I wanna create. I don't know where I belong what I want to do where to go to. my thought are all jumbled up I try to sort them out there are just so many things going on in my mind I don't know where to begin where to end I have no idea what is going on someone please save me please...