*take a step closer...

2010-11-30T19:14:00.002+08:00

the very thought of me leaving this school kinda freaks me out a little. whenever i think about it, everything seems so surreal.

i guess i didnt have the same kinda feeling for singapore cuz i know all those friends i had there would always be there, the more important ones at least. but here, it's different. i can't be sure. i dont feel that i have that same kinda grasp on them. it's scary to think that some of them, after i leave, would no longer be part of my life. they would be gone. like they never even appeared in my life ever.

i keep telling myself that i would just let it go because it doesn't even matter. but whenever this idea of the possibility of these few months disappearing creeps on me, i would wanna try all that again, so as to make an impression, to make a memory, to make it alil more meaningful.

it scares me

2009-12-15T01:26:00.004+08:00

bye bye blackbird

2009-12-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

lalala my life is filled with happiness these few days :D

but i am leaving so soon :/

2009-12-11T09:36:00.001+08:00

thought i was gonna be ultra miserable but surprisingly i didnt even feel anything at all. not even this sudde thump in the heart kinda feeling.

maybe it's really not the place huh.

anyhow.

got to start working again...

zzz

2009-12-08T14:44:00.002+08:00

im so glad that i can forget abt everything after a night of sleep...

prom was cool. prom was cool.

post prom was cool.

hahah

using my very limited vocab. i dont really know how to describe exactly

as i was telling them, the happiest moment at prom was actually when mr ang was speaking.

i mean. aside from the mass camwhoring.

post prom was exciting. i loved the place we went to 'cept that no sunrise could be seen in the morning..the sunrise looked pretty much the same as what i see at home in school everyday...but everything else was pretty great. the company.

and time passed super fast like before we knew it, it was morning. and i was praying every second that it could slow down.

i guess not everything went the way i wish it could be ystd. pretty much off track actually because of so much stuff that was happening ystd and previously.

but ohwells..

and no matter how much i wish i could stay and give myself more time and chances, i think it's abt time to put everything to a stop and start afresh. shouldn't be too hard

2009-12-06T00:04:00.002+08:00

today when the cab drove past school, i suddenly had this 'i'll still have to go back to school' feeling before realising that i actually won't be going back to school as a student anymore...

it's kinda sad huh.

blah.

2009-12-04T18:38:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

2009-12-04T10:33:00.002+08:00

ystd when i saw the boccioni painting poster on my wall, i suddenly missed aep.

lol

withdrawal symptom.

ok not really cuz the very thought of not having to study anymore for at least a year makes me smile :D

and omg i dreamt abt taking econs paper ystd...zzz

now that everything is finally over, i want to stay at home and rest for these few days. at least till prom. and put everything on hold till then.

just don't really feel like doing anything much.

everything seems interesting. but somehow they can't really get me interested.

hmm maybe i need a party to revitalise

of...things i'll never say

2009-11-24T16:27:00.008+08:00

actually many things are put on hold. and before i even realise it, all that time has passed. and before i can do anything again, it is too late to even think about it. but actually, i have learnt not to do anything anymore. because no matter what, the most i can get is an experience, a lesson. nothing less but nothing more. they are all pretty much self reflected, self induced, self taught. self learnable. they just make me think less do less and feel less...

if i were the me a year ago, i would have done some things. but you are not the third one. you are one after the third. and i told myself that it won't repeat more than three times.

i actually miss the times we had back then. the times when everything seemed so great, so happy and innocent. i often think about the things you used to say and do, even the slightest things, the most insignificant stuff you would do. for me. but they are all in the past and will never come back again. although we still talk like how we used to, things are just not the same anymore.

thought that these thoughts would no longer matter after exams, cuz when my life was occupied with studies, you really just kinda disappeared. but as these exam days get by, thoughts about you slowly come back. maybe soon they'll go back to the same state as before exams.

before the 15th. i want to spend alot of time with you. but i wanna spend alot of time with all my other friends too. then i suddenly realised that there's really too little time for me to do all the things i want to do.

i want to see the christmas deco litup in town and at marina bay, i want to go to the places we wanted to but couldn't go, the places we went together and the places you wanted to go.

many things are gonna change with time. well many already did.

i don't know how i started writing this post or why i even want to write something like this. maybe you'll never see this, even if you do, you may still be guessing. cuz you're always so unsure. about yourself, about everything. but the fact is, i write this hoping that you won't know you'll never know you'll never guess.

i think i'll miss you, i'll think about us. but maybe soon, you'll become just like them.

maybe you're different, maybe it's unfair to apply whatever they taught me to you. there are many more things that i've been thinking about that i want to tell

but...

too late to say

these things i'll never say

of chemistry. for the last time

2009-11-23T16:21:00.002+08:00

chemistry is officially out of my life. forever and ever and ever!

omg.

this is the best day of my jc life.

muahaha

btw i take back whatever i said about head and A.

lol

because it's so not happening.

hahah

guess what?

CHEMISTRY

is out of my life

FOR GOOD.

:D:D:D:D:D

of second life

2009-11-22T20:54:00.003+08:00

omg second life is pretty addictive.

i downloaded it ystd and couldnt stop playing. these two people were taking me around shopping and teaching me stuff. it's kinda cool hehe :D

at least now i know that even if i dont have friends to go out with, no facebook no blog, i still have msn and second life.

loll

okay. omg. chem mcq tmr!!!

and...i got a...21/40 for the last msq paper i did.

of dreams dreams dreams

2009-11-22T18:53:00.001+08:00

ystd. i dreamt. again. as usual ya.

i dreamt that...there are 80 questions for chem mcq but i thought there were only 40. so after the paper, when everyone was discussing about question 70+, i was like what? you mean there was a question 70sth?! O.o

i am dreaming about exams almost everyday. how wonderful.

of...headache

2009-11-21T20:47:00.002+08:00

my headache is killing me. but erm ok blame myself for staring at the computer screen and playing second life watching videos changing blogskin for the entire day.zzz

i better start studying for chem mcq and sova before it's too late.

honestly speaking i am out of the studying mood already. this thing is seriously dragging on way too long...

the best part about studying. is...

i'll tell you when it comes to my mind yea

of 3 more days

2009-11-21T11:34:00.003+08:00

lalala

3 more papers. can't wait for next weds :D

i am having some uncertainties. but hmm maybe i should just leave everything aside and have as much fun as i should when the time comes.

by 15th dec. i'll know...

*CROSS FINGERS

of getting old

2009-11-19T11:39:00.004+08:00

i realised that the older i get the more affected i am by those lil thing happening at home.

sometimes i wonder if i can just leave those all aside. and never have the care about the mess the problems that are not even any of my business.

15dec.

damn...

of studying the wrong paper

2009-11-18T20:55:00.003+08:00

econs paper was. weird.

and i am so proud of myself. for finding out that it's actually essay paper and not case studies 10 minutes before the paper. -.-

but

oh wells

luckily i studied concept. -.-

zzz

2009-11-17T18:51:00.002+08:00

i dreamt about meteor rain that night.

haha heard that there's meteor rain tonight at 12 midnight. looking forward to it :)

cuz i've never seen a meteor before...yes very deprived.

econs econs econs. by the end of this week i'll be a different person. andandand by the end of next next wednesday omg i'll be the happiest girl in this whole world. well along with many other hc girls and boys too.

but i'll be the happiest :D

hahaha

2009-11-15T13:29:00.000+08:00

blake lively!

2009-11-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

one week down. three more weeks to go.

it's been four days since the start of exams. and i am already getting abit tired of this new lifestyle.

omg

please end soon.

please please please.

then all my dreams about life after exams can become reality.

but ohwells. right now.

think

about

studying.

2009-11-11T20:13:00.003+08:00

i so dread studying for chem...

paper 3 tomorrow i know i am suppose to be studying but...but but

so i decided to go on ebay. and bought a fuji instax s7 camera -.-

ahh...

nvm. my camera arrives in 5 days :D

hee hee hee

okokok!

STUDY FOR CHEM!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-11T13:51:00.000+08:00

GP paper today.
The clouds this morning looked cute and fluffy.
I had a good breakfast and a big cup of coffee.haha
The dream i had ystd was...ahah :) i hope the first part of it can come true <3 heehee
and i pray for Art question to come out for GP.
:) :) :)
pray pray pray

lol im not gonna write like this later...

2009-11-10T19:15:00.000+08:00

A level examination in progress...
*excited :D

2009-11-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

the day i've been waiting for...

Everything is going to be alright!:D *cross fingers
Jiayou!!!

2009-11-07T17:21:00.000+08:00

i. am. studying. hard.

aha

ahahaha...

2009-11-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

ok caramel mocha with whipped cream is love...
Studying at starbucks is alil distracting cuz you face the world and everytime someone walks past i can't help but look up.
These three weird looking secondary school girls beside me are talking abt how hot some guy is.
Aha. Aha. -.-
zzz...
Life is so weird-.- and boring did i forget to mention?
Ok.back to AQ.

2009-11-05T02:32:00.001+08:00

2009-11-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

aha aha

this is about. erm us. ya

2009-11-04T19:51:00.003+08:00

i can't study at home. esplanade library is much better...

there are many things i wanna say but i dont know what they are.

i think

things will get better.soon

2009-11-02T21:24:00.004+08:00

today i proved to have zero sense of direction.

i tried going from raffles place to bugis to get muji pens but spent 20 minutes walking around aimlessly in circles and even wandered into accessorize for 2 minutes then forced myself to come out.luckily the adventurous side of me guided me to walk to the carlton hotel side.

anyways the ugly white hexagons of iluma are truly big and ugly enough to attract my attention and get me back on the right track.

wanted to take bus to find zijing who was in ion at night but got onto the wrong bus.but luckily that bus brought me back home -.-

oh i caught a glimpse of christmas deco again when the bus drove past. it's like so shockingly beautiful i never knew orchard road can be so absolutely gorgeously attractive before.

but then again. i'm just freaking deprived.

i shall restrain myself from going anywhere near town till As are over so that i can get a FULL blast.haha

looking forward to it.

rah rah ah ah ah

rama rama mah

gaga ooh lala...

want your bad romance

zzz

2009-11-01T20:01:00.001+08:00

hello hello can you tell me what to do when you feel so screwed that you are going to die soon soon soon?

...

2009-11-01T08:11:00.002+08:00

just woke up from 12 hrs of nightmare. i have no idea why i have slept for so freaking long

they were three separate dreams. the first one was abt a friend dying and how i only got to know about it after reading the news...

second one was about grandfather. i went for some meeting with grandfather and he had to stand up to make a speech, but before it was his turn, the clock tower started ringing a bell. i was trying damn hard to hold his hand, but he let mine go after the bell stopped ringing.

last dream was about war. the king died and passed me a really sharp sword. everyone had to go to the war in the desert and for some reason i had two swords without knowing how to use them. then during the war time, someone pulled out my sword for fun twice. when he put the sword back, it cut me for both times. oh and the desert had strong sand wind, i was sort of protected and put in a shelter but could observe the war or step in anytime...

zzz

2009-10-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

i am so happy today 'cause i finished the most important thing to be done before november.

but yesyes this is not the end.

2009-10-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

today i missed 11:11 by one minute cuz the cab drove past far east plaza at 11:10. i was really disappointed.

i saw them setting up christmas deco and i think the giant christmas tree in front of ion will look so totally gorgeous after it's lit up :)

truly looking forward to christmas this year

but i won't even be in singapore for christmas. anymore.

oh i forgot to blog abt peach opening ystd.

i love peach. yup.

love love love lotsa love

during econs tuition today. mr lim said. some students didn't do well for As although they claim that they tried their best and studied really hard. so teachers will tell them-that's cuz they only studied hard in the last two weeks instead of the last two years.

then i counted the number of days left and realized that if i start studying very hard from. i have about two weeks left too!

panic

panicking!!!

2009-10-27T01:52:00.002+08:00

yes i know i said many days ago that i wont blog anymore. but sometimes things get overwhelming i need somewhere to make my thoughts truly visible then consider them out of my hands.

these late nights with my macbook. trying to find out what i want someone whom i've never really met before yet so important that can decide my future to see about me. if i could, i would treat my macbook to the most wonderful things that she desires after all these are over. but first of all i need to get that mini cd out of the cd drive...

bring me there now bring me there now bring me there now please

times like this make me think of songs like never had a dream come true. to think of it. it's always mom dad giving me whatever i want. i've never really achieved anything i truly want by myself right...

about time. about time.

but even this. is not all about myself.

too many... everything everyone who are trying hard to help.

who am i to let anyone down.

actually. i just wanna be somewhere. where nobody knows who i am who i used to be

all by myself.

just like how i always am...

i want

it to be a fresh new start

but ohwells. that's just what all escapists say...

2009-10-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

i am so angry at myself...for everything ):

hate this hate this HATE THIS

can't even get anything done can't focus can't do anything well

omg i am so hopeless and stupid nothing is gonna work out im just sitting here on my ass without doing anything about it but i dont know what and how to do anything at all

i so hate myself seriously

what's gonna happen to me?what what what. but i dont want to know cuz it's not gonna be good.

)))))):

this is total frustration

and

i am missing you missing you missing you very very very much ok

ha. idiot.

2009-10-25T16:43:00.002+08:00

omg. embarrassing ttm.
i wrote straitstimes as STRAIGHTS times in my gp aq. srsly which idiot would ever write that??!!? can't believe it. zzz
drwilks is so gonna laugh at me on monday's consultation... -.-

2009-10-17T00:07:00.002+08:00

this is last post.

because from now on. i will focus. on things i should.

byebye blogger.

till after As.

2009-10-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

♥

2009-10-14T20:34:00.002+08:00

but the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them

2009-10-14T12:37:00.001+08:00

today i tore my chem paper into pieces and flushed them down the toilet bowl.

seriously

i am gonna chop off my head for you if i dont get A for chem in Alevels

2009-10-13T17:49:00.001+08:00

i am dead tired cuz i couldn't sleep the whole night ystd.

and mom bought durian and brought a tiny piece into my room. omg it stinks stinks stinks.

ahh i want to sleep

yawns.

hahah

2009-10-12T23:06:00.002+08:00

i dont want to go to school anymore. i want to camp in national library everyday cuz i study so much better there.

everyday when i walk home at night i see the same people doing same things at home. this family gathering every night. this eurasian guy watching tv. this mummy washind dishes. this guy swimming. this japanese doll on the piano at one home that im always damn scared of.

lalala

life is so boring.

2009-10-11T15:49:00.002+08:00

i spent my entire morning arranging all my notes for revision because they were all over the place and beginning to invade into MY space.

jen i copied you and built a great wall first, then dragged the kitchen shelf thingy into my room and slotted all my notes inside. it really works. haha

topshop.com is evil because it's waking up the shopping monster in me. but my determination shall be stronger than that i decided. zenness.

my horoscope for tmr says- a deeper connection is possible now, but forging it involves allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Trust yourself, trust the universe and trust the power of love. You know what to do.

HAHA trust the power of love heard that?wth. btw i dont know what to do.

i want to go to uni now. nownownow

2009-10-10T12:00:00.003+08:00

ok i confess.

i felt kinda guilty

that i cant be as selfless as before.

because i was afraid that it may come back. because it almost did.

build a wall

and the most is a dazy day

but there is a confusion

2009-10-09T12:40:00.001+08:00

purification is elimination of temptation.

zenness

2009-10-06T19:40:00.003+08:00

see i toldya im doomed for maths. gosh

maybe im becoming hopeless already cuz i was thick skinned enough to laugh talk eat as per normal still without feeling a tinge of guilt.

shit

someone shoot me in the heart knock my head against the wall and shake the sense out of me please

2009-10-06T08:10:00.002+08:00

today is gonna be my DOOM day.

because we are getting back maths later.

woke up early cuz i have not done my gp compre that dr wilks wants to check later...zzz

and according to mr dan, h3 is screwed as well...

it will be a miracle if i don get U for maths today and not get another round of shit scolding from mum.

nevertheless...i pray for a miracle to happen...no matter how impossible it seems.

ohwells.

i have a problem. with alot of things.

just one problem

2009-10-04T00:17:00.002+08:00

thought that there wont be moon tonight cuz of the rain. but in the end there was indeed a very round moon

studied and watched the ugly truth with zijing sx and matt today.

i think. there was something that just didnt go quite right if you get what i mean.

lol

no seriously. we were suppose to watch time traveller's wife but matt woke up late and missed it -_- so here goes time traveller's wife...

blahblahblah

there was something that didn't go quite right.

if you get what i mean...

2009-10-01T00:14:00.005+08:00

when i'm beginning to learn who i really am, what i really want and where i really wanna be at.

maybe it is all again subconsciously intentional.

at least at this moment i imagine myself knowing what is real. and maybe that's all i need.

and did i forget to mention

that i actually missed you

2009-09-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

because everyone leaves when they find things that are more important, that interest them more that are closer to their hearts

fact is that when they are with you someone else may be deprived.

but

what if i need you would you even try to save me or would you find some lame excuse to never be true what if i said i loved you would you be the one to run to or would you watch me walk away without a fight

2009-09-29T23:10:00.003+08:00

PRELIMS OVER

but erm seriously nobody even feels the thrill right

watched the inglorious basterds with peach today. gosh the movie is sex. the kinda stuff that makes you hate but can't help to love. super sadistic and mocking. bradpitt's accent was just...thumbs up :)

after the movie we sat around at scapepark and played truth and dare took lotsa photos with long exposure on victor's camera.

feels like i've not done this in a long time. and it sure felt great.

yesyesyes ♥

and realised that recently i feel myself changing it's almost visible.

just no longer thinking too much like how i used to.

or maybe it's cuz of the people around who are making me more comfortable?

hmmm

oh when i was on my way home today i wished that the world has a giant jukebox with a playlist of all my favourite songs and everyone can be dancing to the songs.

i want a pool party.

2009-09-28T23:51:00.001+08:00

postmodernism avantgarde fluxus minimalism readymade east vs west popculture controversy

art

omg i just forgot everything about chemistry

AHHH

2009-09-27T13:03:00.002+08:00

i just wanna kiss

i never wanna miss

2009-09-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

as I busied myself getting ready for bed that evening, the old mantra escaped my lips several times. It came unbidden, as always, and I felt embarrassed, as if there were some stranger in the room listening to my refrain: I'm so lonely.

Siri Hustvedt

The Sorrows of an American

2009-09-26T22:28:00.002+08:00

sometimes i have the urge to delete all the numbers in my phone. have i said that before?

baby i hate days like this

when it rain rain rain

rain rain rains...

2009-09-24T13:39:00.003+08:00

blahblahblahblah.

the world hates me.

i started doodling on my question paper during maths paper today cuz seriously i dont freaking know how to do all the questions.

i dont freaking wanna study anymore cuz it's already so screwed.

anyway. i dont know if it's me or everyone else. my class is damn weird really

you know i hate the look in their eyes.

or maybe i should just shut up.

URGH

whatever

biatch

2009-09-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

coursework has officially ended.

it's kinda sad actually.

well

i think many things changed because of coursework

and aep definitely holds the most meaningful memories of my jc life.

all that mad rushing of work, the laughing and bullshitting with the cutest people, the best teachers best facilities and all that exciting times with the security guards

people like zijing jasmine jiaying celia karlton weets matt victor chiakai...

it's big love really

peaches 08

oh yea. no more excuses.

dead for prelims... X/

but...

ohwells

2009-09-21T15:14:00.002+08:00

when all the people around don't seem real anymore.

when you suddenly realise that the most real ones are the ones who are not around whom you used to think of as the most unreal. the ones who are still around after all these years. after all the real ones are gone...

2009-09-18T23:03:00.004+08:00

i think i have recovered.

days in hell. not so good.

but days out? not so good either.

you know things always happen this way.

i hate interruptions. like how 1minute of deep sleep just before you wake up can make a huge difference in your entire day.

mom just loves doing this stuff. cut it off just few moments before it ends how it shld have. and i hate it.

seriously.

not like that few seconds would make any differences.but anyway she just doesnt get it.

the times when i was sick. sometimes i wish time can pass slower so that certain things don't pass too quickly. but then again. maybe it will all be better if i am able to do whatever things i like doing i want to do so that i don't have to worry about having to switch to some pointless thing that i dont enjoy doing the next second.

aep prelims results are out. and i really dont like what i got.

oh yea this aep shit too.

somehow aep in jc just gives much shit.

well i guess things are just not always so simple.

but

deal with it still

what to do right

2009-09-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

it's H1N1...

chiakai probably has it too. it's this whole aep coursework thing right.

my fever is like on and off. but actually i feel pretty energetic and normal. cept the flu. now im quarantined for a week and i can't go for sova paper and chem p3 which i dont want to go to and maf which i want to go to! :(

but then again. this is finally giving me some time to study properly. after wasting so much time on coursework...erm.

i wanna watch gossip girl though.

and antm.

ahh. keeping an eye on goodies now. saving all till after prelims sweet

pls take care and don't fall sick :>

like me.

2009-09-13T12:35:00.000+08:00

die.

really...

DIE

2009-09-12T00:34:00.003+08:00

after some time you realise that all your diary entries look similar. there are repeated phrases, thoughts and even formats...

i am screwed for prelims. coursework is a valid excuse right. ohwells. it's an excuse still...after all

cuz i already have the habit of focusing things i want to do instead of i should...

oh leon is back from canada :D

changes.

decisions.

and changed decisions.

conflicts...

2009-09-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

mug hard yea.

2009-09-02T17:58:00.002+08:00

things that i said a year ago seemed. so...unlike me. haha
i think many things changed.like suddenly
it's probably the 19. that's taking effect.

pretty much done with coursework. there's still prep.
oh wells.
i know how screwed up i am for prelims.
but
oh wells.

2009-08-26T21:09:00.001+08:00

2009-08-15T13:20:00.000+08:00

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

somedays you just dont wanna do anything. at all

right

yawns...

2009-08-08T18:28:00.000+08:00

i wish that everyday can be like ystd! :)
studied alot with nicole at kap when everyone was having their nd celeb in school...
it was quite efficient studying although kap was super noisy at one period of time after celeb just ended for everyone

we met up with shixuan at night and watched public enemies at lido.
it's quite a cool movie.
love johnnydepp, love bankrobbing and love the songs!<3
i had ten million and two slaves ystd haha
but i still think that the filming quality is just. bad...

and idk what happened to mum she just decided to bring me and siyu out for steamboat at 1am or sth.
so we had steamboat till like 2plus.lol

there's no such thing as too much of a good thing <3

supperclub anyone?
i really really wanna go!

but...
haiyhh.
okay study. -.-

2009-08-06T23:16:00.001+08:00

2009-08-04T19:15:00.002+08:00

when I say jump you say how high

I ain't never seen nobody get so high

like a bird like a plane

this party arty insane

so jump jump jump

JUMP!

2009-08-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

ok i am suppose to be studying i know...but. before that.

love this song.

smile by uncle kracker

ok they have alot of other nice songs too really.

yar. okay. that's all.

chem here i come.

2009-07-31T21:45:00.001+08:00

<333

2009-07-30T22:23:00.002+08:00

You still are riding a wave of amazing personal energy, and while you enjoy other people's company, you're in no mood for chit-chat. You'd rather get things done, with or without them.

gosh i think i can totally see this day coming.

today is such a long and tiring day...

and there is a song that gave me goosebumps cuz it's like totally for me.

feel like i have lost some things. some people some friends. although i know they are still there everything just feels different.

hate this feeling.

and everything else seems trivial.

sometimes i wonder if things i do now are important at all. if they will ever matter at all.

maybe a part of me is left behind in the dark corner that day. hoping that i dont ever need to come out. cuz for once you can be selfish, wait for others to take care of you and to worry about you.

i wish i can always say all the things i want to say, do things i want to do

always be very selfish and make others do things my way.

replay my favorite scenes relive my favorite days...

jen typed a note in my phone ystd.

once upon a time i was falling in love. now i am only falling apart.

well not quite so i guess.

not yet at least

but...

i keep feeling that something just isn't quite right...

2009-07-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

i wanna go back to last tuesday!
was suddenly craving for that chocolate biscuit he brought to the cinema. although i only ate 2 that day, although i don't usually like chocolate, although i get gastric eating it...
i can still remember how it tastes like
tell me where to get it from please.
tell me how to go back please
...

recently there only few things on my mind. 3? yar...3.
prelims coming so soon! and it's totally stressing everyone out. this stress is becoming almost visible...

sighhhhh
i need to be in control.

2009-07-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

gosh.

i wish that mum will stop nagging.

please stop. please please please...

seriously

2009-07-28T19:54:00.002+08:00

photos taken when the world still made sense

25.07 - 26.07

2009-07-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

i think this is probably gonna be one of the most memorable birthday in my entire life. all the things i did things i said and things i went through

i am really really really grateful to have some people around me. really

i dont know how i can even say it in words.

thank you so much siyu. for being there. you are the best okay. i love you!<333

thank you zijing shixuan and weets. thank you. thank you thank you thank you thank you

and sorry. i wanna say sorry for like a million times. and it's not enough.

but seriously. i am really really glad to have you guys. no matter what's gonna happen in the future. i love you very very very much!

sorry...

and thank you nicole. thank you for being the best classmate and friend.

thank you cheryl for being such a wonderful friend and always being there to hear my nonsense.

thank you yixiao. for everything. really

to sherry. you are the best cousin sister friend buddy ever. love you always.

and to

matthew

junlin

lina

quek

shuhui

jasmine

jen

pearlynne

clement

xinyi

poon

nic

wilson

linus

david

and all my classmates..

THANK YOU

and jiulin you gave a nice wrap up for this special day. :D dont worry okay.

love you plentyplenty. you are the best friend i can get. really :D

okay there seems to be alil too many best friends. haha

and to him

there are some things that i will remember

forever

2009-07-26T11:58:00.002+08:00

42below seriously killed me. but i know it's not just the alcohol

that was a crazy birthday outing

and omg i am never gonna drink again

i think i'll get hangover for quite sometime...

2009-07-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

haha

okay not like she'll see this. but

yar.

HAHA

love it love it

when my mom's birthday is so near mine

actually...

somehow i dont feel the love

2009-07-23T23:00:00.001+08:00

near saturation point

i am going back.

and have decided not to stop anymore.

2009-07-22T22:49:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA

i think mom saw zijing jasmine and victor on her way home.

omg

VICTOR YOU MUST HEAR HOW MY MUM DESCRIBED YOU

totally hilarious

2009-07-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

just came back from jogging and i think that last bit of chicken rice i ate in school today is gone.

was really happy talking to classmates today. it feels great to be around them. cuz you just can't stop laughing and yar it's nice to be able to make others laugh.

sometimes i really hate myself for doing certain things that i didn't intend to do. or not doing things that i intended to...

i wish i could be at ease like that around anyone and everyone

there's solar eclipse today and heard that in wuhan the entire city turned dark for few seconds. probably longer than the convo i had with dad though. he asked what i want for birthday. and i said i dont know.

alot of people have been asking me.

actually there are only that many things i want. and i know they are probably things that can't be bought. things that i need to work for. things i may not get forever.

maybe i want liquid luck. hahah

watched harry potter with peter ystd.

the movie was really really long but not boring

lido 1 was huge, rather empty

and cold.

2009-07-17T23:34:00.003+08:00

i guess dad did try. but just not the right way

that's why i kept thinking that he never really cared.

but

whatever.

i dont really know what's important and what's not now. just doing everything i feel like doing.

i mean...

urgh. yar whatever

zzz

2009-07-14T21:15:00.002+08:00

you're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter

like a hard candy with a surprise centre

cause in your eyes I'd like to stay

2009-07-12T14:15:00.002+08:00

i think there's sth seriously wrong with my stomach. everytime when i take vitB zinc and chromium supplements, i will throw up. and the effect is almost immediate. either there's like an explosive reaction inside my stomach or there's a guard there identifying them...i think the prob lies with vitB and zinc cuz i didnt take chromium today but still threw up -.-

yuckss

my current obsession-jaychou songs

idk why.

hahah

keep listening to his songs. they are really nice k

i almost went to get it ystd. but my parents were both so strongly against it...blahblahblah...

nvm.

okay so far not even a single person is supportive -.- oh except siyu!

but whatever. i've ald made up my mind. and nothing will change my decision!

seriously. it's no big deal. why are they all making such a big fuss?!

zzz

2009-07-05T21:40:00.003+08:00

this is how my room looks like when erm...dressmaking is in progress.

shows how hardworking i am right

zzz

and omg guess what. while i was in search for my box of pins for dress making,

I FOUND THIS!

fourth from the left. THAT'S ME!when i was 10. HAHA

take note of the tall girl standing beside me. her top is like. floral and totally hot in trend. and she's wearing high waist denim shorts.

HAHA

but hmm

i lost touch with all of them. so that's kinda sad...

2009-07-05T11:36:00.002+08:00

gosh you know i almost forgot how to log into blogger after not using it for so long. haha

eh i want to go shopping. -.-

but since mum just came back few days ago, she's restricting all shopping or so called illegal activities...haiyhhhhhhhh

and my wishlist is expanding to infinity.

erm...oh i think my personality made some fine adjustments after not contacting the world for two weeks plus. but i dont know where exactly the change is...

hmmm

haha

so many birthdays this month.

2-aunt

4-leon

5-shuhui

7-quek

20-char

21-90

24-mum!

and ahem ahem last but not least. ME

the date is for you to find out. -.-

HAHA

2009-07-04T10:49:00.002+08:00

i've decided to unfreeze my blog so here i am!

facebook was the first to become unfreezed after these three weeks of erm i shall call it purification. as for msn. status pending. but i dont think i will use it till next year. hehe

ok firstly i shall report on my purification progress. it's a major success i feel. cuz i totally totally feel so damn purified..zen....HAHA

erm. block test. i didnt go for chem paper. anw heard it's killer so phew

okay time to start on aep now.

zzz

2009-06-15T00:45:00.001+08:00

diminishing point.

2009-06-13T23:38:00.003+08:00

too many things to worry about too many things to think about.

nowhere to go nothing to do no words to say

nothing to even think about.

dont feel like talking to anyone because you just know the kinda things they will say.

ohmygosh life is a freaking bore.

hate it hate it hate it.

i think i just scrolled through my contacts list for the hundredth time and succeeded in finding reasons not to contact each person i stop at for more than 3 seconds. -.-

urghhhhh

nobody will know if i die today

2009-06-12T17:27:00.003+08:00

even gmail knows that im having a bad day today. my busstop theme is totally raining...with thunder and lightning ):

i hate this friday. it'll be the worst day of my holiday. and my nose still hurts.

RAHHHHHH

i want to turn into a lion and eat everyone up!

ok not really. yawns. whatever

2009-06-12T02:25:00.003+08:00

erm i wrote one post and it was all erased because of the stupid internet.

anyways....

i was supp to announce to the world that today when i was on my way to the kitchen to take my nice tub of icecream thinking that i was familiar enough with my home without having to switch on the lights, i knocked my nose really hard against the freaking wall. it was so painful and retarded i was tearing and laughing at the same time. so far all who heard this story tells me the same word-retard.

thanks guys

i know you are all my dearest friends

-.-

oh.

erm

sometimes i really say some things i don't mean. and erm sometimes i say them with a reason. and. sometimes when i form an opinion, i dont change it. anymore.

omg i really wanna watch a movie tmr. i mean later in the day. but EVERYBODY. everybody's busy with own things... ):

haiyhh....

oh i found someone who makes me smile (: alil more than usual

heehee

2009-06-10T01:10:00.003+08:00

sometimes i write diary hoping that i can sort my thoughts out by recording down everything that has happened in the day. but actually it doesnt help that much i realised. after all, after all those i've written down, i am still here, problem not solved. i am still by myself.

people around me are. well sometimes important to me sometimes not. there's nothing much that's really satisfying i dont know. i wanna do alot of things. but then what's the point of doing them?

dont really know what i want.

i wanna go somewhere far far far far far away. alllll by myself. think about everything while listening to some really nice music. so that i dont have to talk to anyone at all or think about what to say to please others or feel irritated by what others say.

anyways.

i climbed the school gate today! for the FIRST TIME. haha it's alil exciting actually. hehe

siyu left singapore and i sent her to the airport with her random *scape park friend.i think i'll miss her when she's not here. well i miss alot of people actually. i miss sherry alot...wonder when's the next time i can see her again.

i love holidays. still

2009-06-08T22:37:00.003+08:00

life is such a lame pool of shit

i didnt know that life after SAT would be THIS BORING

ehh okay it's not THAT boring. went out with siyu zijing and marcel ystd and we only returned home at like 6 in the morning. i think im still getting alil hangover from the bottle of chivas that four(er actually 3) of us finished. zzz

dad called me this morning and he kinda lectured me alil on how i shldnt drink too much.

yar

im in this really weird mood recently. probably cuz after SAT i have suddenly lost my direction ali.and before i start on BT2, i need a short break to adjust and adapt.

whatever.

lame excuses.

-.-

2009-06-06T15:28:00.003+08:00

yayyyyeee! SAT is finally over! :D

i really hope i can do well this time. really.

it must not let me down for all the fattening food that i forced myself to eat, all the net surfing times i sacrificed. blahblahblah.

siyu said i grew fatter. and now i have more pimples.

so for the next 5 days. i must make everything go back to normal. i will slim down, sleep alot, get rid of pimples.

as for block test 2. erm. let's talk about that another time maybe?

i need to go shopping!

and hmm as for the holiday. i will sleep alot. exercise alot. eat very little.

maybe i shld start on my fruit diet to detox first. my stomach is burning recently because of all the disgusting fats i've consumed over the past few days. baked rice/lotsa mcd burgers and fries/haagen daz ice cream/paomian/countless sandwiches etc etc.

omg yucks.

HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYY

my holiday just began.

wheeee <3

heeheehee

2009-06-05T19:22:00.002+08:00

I CAN DO IT

I CAN DO IT!

2009-06-01T03:08:00.002+08:00

skushno

is a Russian word that is difficult to translate.

It means more than dreary boredom; a spiritual void that sucks you in like a vague but intensely urgent longing.

-Gregor von Rezzori

2009-05-31T23:09:00.005+08:00

yixiao said im not blogging. so here i am!

before anything else. here's another sexy music video. waking up in vegas by katy perry

love it love it<3

a quick recount of ~~my life~~ my day

as usual. i slept late woke up late. wasted a long time showering tying hair picking clothes choosing location and finally i stepped out of my house. wasted 5bucks taking a cab from home to railmall which is ard 2stops away cuz i was lazy to cross the bridge and take a bus.

i sat down in subway and tried to study for sats but it was hot and noisy inside i felt really lethargic and could not concentrate. so halfway through my set of paper which i was suppose to finish today, i decided to go to the supermarket and then went home after grocery shopping.

after i came home.

ahem

I WATCHED HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. omg

shit. i think i should send myself for execution.

2009-05-25T01:13:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder if...

those constant times of confusion, self doubt.

maybe the self reflection has lost its effect due to overdose.

my current favourite line shall be...

i don't know

2009-05-23T17:10:00.002+08:00

Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth

if i were to be there...

2009-05-23T01:15:00.002+08:00

dance night today was good! karlton's part was hilarious.

anwsss
i guess it's time for me to start work. i need to stop sitting on my ass hoping all problems can just magically disappear. and there's really no point crying or whatsoever
talked to my parents for really long ystd. both of them called me to talk. and i cried really hard when i was talking to dad. i've not cried that hard for quite some time i think, really quite some time.
and it all made me come to realise how much everyone around me cares and loves
but what is the point of all that if i can't even make myself focus.

from now on. i will be very honest with myself. for everything
and i will be very honest with everyone i care and everyone who cares abt me.
i have to.
before i can even start